Trust Issues

What's going on folks. I stepped away for awhile, but I'm back like Diddy's rap career(I think it's okay for him to stop now. Diddy, we begging you!). But you know what it is. After discussions among friends, I blog about it. So without further ado, let's get started on the subject at hand: trust.

Trust is a big word. Not literally, of course. It has several definitions, as it could be used as a noun or a verb. But the main definition that I prefer is "firm reliance on the integrity, ability, etc., of a person or thing". Now that is deep. Whether you trust someone to hit the game-winning shot, or trust them with your heart, you totally believe in whatever they say or do. If you have been at practice and seen your teammate hit a shot from a particular spot on the basketball court and he's never missed, when it comes to gametime and he's called upon to make that shot to win the game, you will be confident that the ball is going in the basket. There's no way they can miss after being so perfect in practice. So how does one apply that same trust into their relationship? For starters, it has to be applied from the beginning. Then it has to be maintained, because having to regain trust is a hard task, IF you are given that privilege. Even if that is the case, it's harder to achieve that same level of trust as before. Suppose that same teammate is called upon to hit the big shot, but you have never seen him make it before. This time, he misses it. Do you think the coach will call upon him to take the shot next time? Probably not. But at the end of the day, sure a person can do the right thing, be honest with their words, but trust in relationships isn't necessarily a tangible thing. For example, you can't take trust to the gym, watch it work out, then make a decision on how strong yours is. This is something that you just have to take a chance on, unfortunately. To have trust in a relationship means to have total faith in a person's words and actions, and it won't happen overnight.

"Confident Expectation" is another definition of trust. It is very similar to the first definition. How many times did we see Michael Jordan take the last shot of the game to win it for his team? And when he pulled up, you could see the expectation on his teammates' faces. They knew they were going to win. But he didn't make all of them. Yet each time the team was in that situation, everybody knew who was getting the ball. But Jordan had to earn that trust from his team. Being put into that situation, being the one that is believed in requires proven results. Can, without a shadow of a doubt, say that you can trust ur mates' decision-making and not second guess it? And vice versa? Oh it's easy to trust with the small decisions. But what about when he's going to a party and you heard that the girl all his boys nicknamed Jawbone was going to be there? Or what about when her and her homegirl who's a little wild go to see their favorite singer and they got invited to chill backstage. Do you have confidence in what is expected of him/her? This should be the easiest if you know your mate. But it should also be easy period because there is no cause for stressing yourself over something that you ultimately don't have any control over. A person will do what they want to if it's something they really desire, but a trustworthy person will make sure it lines up with the expectations of their relationship.

Another thing about trust is you have to distinguish your mate from everyone else. If they were the same as others, I don't think you would be with them. So just because a person says or does something that you've seen in someone who's lost your trust doesn't mean you should throw them in that category as well. Prime example: I've heard women say that some of the biggest lies men tell when it comes to their cell phone is "my phone died", "I didn't get a text from you" or "I was sleep". The reason SOME guys tell these lies is because these things actually happen, and they need a lie so they grab on to something that is honest yet simple because their mind need to be able to stick to their lie instead of making & keeping up a story. Like I always say, the fakers are messing it up for the real guys out here bc the fakers see what real guys are doing and try to recycle it to other women. This produces the "heard it all before syndrome" which could lead to a person missing out on something good. With that being said, don't look at WHAT is coming out of their mouth and automatically assume it's a lie. You need to look at WHO is speaking, and that should determine if what is being said is a lie. If you trust someone, you won't put them in the group with everyone else. If you feel that you don't know a person well enough to know if they are speaking the truth, then sometimes you just have to go out on a limb. Unless it's something blatantly foolish, believe them. Trust has to be built. It's like a sandcastle. It stays intact until something comes to knock it down.

Okay, it's late now. I need to go to bed. But the moral of the story is stop being paranoid and give people a chance. A person can't earn trust if they have to break through a brickwall just to show that they are trustworthy. On the flip side, don't be a dummy out here in these streets letting people use you because you THINK you have confident expectations of them when they don't even have any of themselves. Be smart. Well folks, I'm out. Love love and hate hate.