Footprints

Where were you when I needed you? I called out to you but you didn't reply. I knocked on your door but you didn't acknowledge me. Instead you left me outside with no direction. Forsaken me. Abandoned me. The more unloved I felt, the harder my heart got. The further I stepped away from you, the more the ice began to thicken. A glacier formed, residing on the left side of my chest. And I loved it. I loved the fact that I couldn't love anymore. No longer did I have to abide by the regulations placed on those who used that ugly piece of meat as their guidance. I was free to do what I felt. Free to make my own decisions. And I had never felt more alive! But something within me was dying. As a rose withers after it no longer has the life source contained within its roots, so did I. I cut my myself off from you, the very essence of my being. Not even knowing that my detachment was the cause of my darkness. See you didn't leave me, I left you. You didn't respond to my calling because you showed up at my doorstep. Wanting to see me in person. You didn't respond to my knocking because at the same moment you were knocking on my door. Trying to make yourself at home in my life. All I ask is that you forgive me Father, for your child is wanting to come back into your welcoming arms.