Mind vs. Heart

After reading a friend's blog on something similar, I received their "permission" to somewhat copy their subject matter. It's not something that I feel comfortable with, but giving that our writing styles are different, I think I'm okay. Plus their post was like the Pacific Ocean(deep); mine will be more like an Olympic swimming pool(doesn't compare).

My mind is full. All I see is the multi-bodied creation before me. There is one head composed of several faces laid atop of one another. Complexion is forever changing, ranging between shades of brown, white, yellow, and red. Part of the hair is natural: locs, afro, and ponytail take residence on one side of the face. The other side consists of long flowing hair. What people like to call "that good hair". Possibly of Spanish decent. I see some facial parts that remind me of someone, but because there are too many noses, mouths, eyes, and jawbones on this one face, it's hard to pinpoint where one person starts and one person ends. As hideous as this sounds, I am attracted to it. Desire burns deep inside of me, lust being the gasoline that fuels this fire. One big face leading to numerous bodies. As the bodies come into focus, the blood takes refuge in the lower part of my body, resting comfortably in the large vessel it likes to visit often. Each body has it's own hue, own shape. But one thing is constant amongst them: heels, wifebeater, and thong. Big asses, small asses, big breasts, small breasts, long legs, short legs. My mind is going in overdrive, boiling the blood below, causing me to think irrationally. The vessel "points outward", as if it's my guide. The bodies beckon me, and my feet have now become in sync with the vessel who has started receiving orders from up top. I try to control myself but this vessel belongs in water, and the bodies have sensed this. Moist thongs tease me, opened mouths invite me. I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't the road for me anymore. I want more out of life, but my mind isn't willing to pass up a good time. An easy good time. As if on cue, the bodies strip naked, leaving the heels on, spreading legs, turning around, bending over, reminding the vessel of the special treatment he receives. As the vessel becomes full of blood, it gets heavy. Strong. Hard to fight the gravitational pull that is now put on him. As I get closer, my mind gets slightly overwhelmed. So many options, so many memories. The confusion allows me one last minute ditch-effort, but to no avail. My whole body is now in tune with each other, craving the temporary satisfaction. But something makes me stop for a minute, makes me wonder aloud: if all of me is for this, what is fighting against it? I look inside of me, and there's the answer. My heart....


 My heart longs for her. She gives me wings. My little Red Bull. Our hearts have started to intertwine, slowly becoming one. She appears before me, skinny jeans, heels, sweater, scarf, glasses, lip gloss. Standing 5'7 with 4-inch heels on. 144 pounds, body like a goddess. Slim where it's important, thick where it counts. She looks at me and I see the love behind her eyes. I also see the hurt, the shaky trust. And I embrace it all, prepared to go to war to declare her independence from a troubled past. I see her and the naked bodies writhing in my mind are becoming a distant past. There's a new fire that burns deep inside, fueled by love, want, comfortability, and God. My mind is trying to gain strength, going back over past episodes, showcasing the pleasures that I have enjoyed in life. But my heart displays the emptiness that I've felt for a long time, a void that lifes' pleasures couldn't fill. My heart shows me what happened when I didn't listen to it, instead choosing to hear the fallacies cooked up by my mind and my vessel, causing pain to myself as well as to others. The same others that are not part of the creature behind me. The same others that, although they are different, are represented in the beauty before me. The heart reminds the vessel how it feels when they are both involved. The heart reminds the body how it feels to be next to someone that you want to lay with, hold, and wake up next to. And for the last task, the heart speaks to the mind: 

Heart: I have let you take charge for a long time. And where has it gotten us? Sure there were many nights of pleasure, but do you remember how you would drive home afterwards, beating yourself up? 

Mind: Yeah, but... 

Heart: (interrupts)..and you know how you would drown yourself in alcohol just to go through with some of these "jobs"? 

Mind: Yeah, b-b-but I, umm.... 

Heart: And you remember how you would hurt the ones whom I was involved with, only for me to have to work overtime to fix your mess? 

Mind: yeah 

Heart: Well it's over for all that. I entrusted the body to you, gave you authority over the prized "vessel". Let you use him, all for the sake of trying to prove something to yourself. But no more. From now on, I will determine where he goes. And whom he go with. Do I make myself clear? 

Mind: (sigh) Yes, u do. 

The bodies are slowly becoming a silhoutte, a blur, a reminder of what life was like as a care-free spirit. The heart and the mind are working together now, trying to be a formidable team once again.