"Diary of a Cheating Woman/Man"

It's a Friday night, I had a long day at work all I want to do is go home and relax. I get me something to drink and I think of renting a movie. I've seen most of the new releases that have went to dvd, so just as I am deciding to bypass the movie decision I remember a title that was suggested that I watch: Diary of a Cheating Woman. Yep, finally some women have come out and admitted to their indiscretions. But you know that regardless of how many times you watch it, you will never figure out why women cheat. There are a million reasons for it, so at this point it's something that we have to accept in life. But by no means is this a woman-bashing post because if you have read any of my previous posts, you will see that the double standard is an act that doesn't quite sit well with me. So as you read this post don't take it the wrong way. I'm just addressing a movie that was put out for the world to see. So fasten your seat belts because this may be a bumpy ride.

The major excuses that you hear from women in regards to them cheating is because they were cheated on or they aren't getting something that they need at home. Either way that's bullshit. Let's start with the being cheated on aspect. If he cheated on you, then you need to do one of two things: either forgive him and work on getting past that, or leave him. Simple. If you don't want to leave because of something invested, but yet you don't trust him, then you need to make a decision on what you want because trying to get some "get-back" does nothing but complicate things. I understand that trust is not easily earned, and even harder to sustain once something of this magnitude has happened. But that's when you have to decide if his cheating is a deal-breaker. If so, walk away. I know that's easier said than done, but it's better now because you will not fully trust again if it's not something you can put past you. If walking away is not what you want, take some time to get your mind together, take control, and see what steps need to be taken to help the relationship get back on track. But only if it's what you BOTH want. If he's a real man, he will see how much it hurt you and will do whatever it takes to win your love and trust back. It should also be an isolated incident as well. If it becomes a regular occurrence, then you both need to grow up! Lol. But at no point should you go out and have sex with someone just because your dude cheated on you. We adults, not children. The Golden Rule isn't something that should be manipulated in this situation.

The other issue that was used the most was that the man isn't giving you something at home. Whether it's financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, whatever. If that's the case, then what you need to do is sit down with him and let him know what is not being fulfilled in your life. Give him the opportunity to correct it because men are simple creatures. Mind readers we are not. Nor are we well versed in body language. So what that means is you have to actually tell him some things, even if it may seem obvious to you. A man's mind is almost full of sports, money, sex, and food. And that may seem like a few things compared to the inner workings of a woman's mind, but if you could open his head and see his brain you would see these 4 things compose the most of his thoughts. So it's not that he doesn't care about your needs. Sometimes he just doesn't know them. And stop telling him it's nothing, then expect him to perform some CSI investigative type work to find out what's wrong. When you ask a man what's wrong and he says nothing, it's probably one of two things: it's nothing that we feel needs to be discussed just yet because we haven't figured the bullshit out ourselves yet, or it's actually nothing. By the way, the latter part is the case 88% of the time. So back to the cheating reason. You say you aren't getting these things at home. So what do you do? You go out and find a dude who makes up for what you are not getting at home. You don't leave your man because he's a good man, you see the potential he has to be a great man, and you will be damned if you let him leave and he becomes that man with the next chick! So you keep him around and just enjoy the company of this side dude. Now you are getting everything you wanted, just not from the same place. And you actually try to justify that this is cool by saying you wouldn't be out here with Tony if things weren't lacking at home. Are you really listening to yourself? Let's look at things a different way: say your man was coming to you and wanting sex but you wasn't necessarily feeling it every time so you start denying him. He goes out and finds sex elsewhere. It's just sex because dudes not really out here cheating for emotional or mental reasons. He gives you his heart because just like you see in him, he sees the potential for you as well. Do you accept his reason for cheating? No you don't. That's a double standard. At the end of the day, communication is needed. And this goes for both genders. Both should be willing to not only speak on what is wrong, but also to accept what is being told to them without complaining. I'm not a dude that asks for much. I accept a lot in life and I understand that we are different. But if I speak on something, it's because it's something important to me. And if I speak and it doesn't feel like the person is listening or trying, then we have a problem. Which could result in some things not being said, in turn causing a situation to blow up that could have been handled earlier. I say that to say talking AND listening/receiving are very important to a healthy relationship as well as with trying to prevent cheating. And as always if the person isn't willing to make changes then you need to make that decision on fight or flight. Fight for what you want, or take flight and exit stage left.

A couple of things that were being said throughout the movie were funny, some were true. One in particular was one of the guys saying that men "cheat down". This means that who he's cheating with is not on the same level as his woman, be it physical, financially, intelligence, sexiness, etc. And it's crazy but that's true. A lot of women can't understand this because they look at the woman he cheated with and start comparing themselves to her. "My ass bigger than hers". "I'm way prettier than her". "She works at McDonalds". They want to know why, if he was going to cheat, he didn't go for the chick in his office that she would have went for if she went that way. The reason is something similar to what Steve Harvey said in "Think Like A Man" (not too fond of the movie but that's another post!). He said a man needs to feel like a man. He needs to feel he has some control. And when he doesn't, well he finds someone that will make him feel like a man. While you are bashing him or trying to run things in the relationship and not really relinquishing any control, Keisha down at the local chicken joint he goes into is always telling him how smart he is, how handsome he his, how neat he dresses. She's stroking his ego. I don't think that really hit home. SHE'S STROKING HIS EGO! This simple act can produce some of the most successful relationships, all because you made him feel like a real man. Some women really know how to utilize this technique. They are the ones celebrating their 25th, 30th, and 50th anniversaries. This goes for compliments as well as physical activities. If he's doing something and it feels good, add a little extra moan to it! Or hit him with a "damn". Lol. My girl makes me feel like my kisses are the shit. Like the sex is the bomb. Is that true? It may or may not be, but she strokes my ego and makes me BELIEVE that it's true! And this goes a long way with preventing a man from stepping out. Now granted, if he's sitting around not working, smoking weed, and chasing Keisha's then that's a different thing and you are back to the fight or flight decision.

Didn't think I was going to write this much, but my fingers started making love to the keyboard and I just started stroking. Keystrokes, that is. Cheating helps no one, and hurts everyone. Sure it feels good temporarily, but you take the risk of losing out on one of the best things that could have happened to you. And Karma is real. I understand that people say if it's meant to be, it will happen. But that doesn't mean you are not supposed to put action into it. James 2:17 says "Faith without works is dead". And I used to tell people the "meant to be" cliche simply because I didn't want to deal with them seriously(I apologize if there's anybody reading this and I told you that). Because the truth is, you could be fated to have a certain job. But if you never put in the application, you expect them to just call you out of the blue? The Lord works in mysterious ways, but you don't know much about Him if you think it works like that. Anyways, so much more could be said about this but I'm sure I've covered things in past cheating posts that I've written. And who knows, maybe I'll come with a part two. Or even crazier, a Diary of a Cheating Man with some actual scenarios from people. Stay tuned...