Life

Life. How does one make the best of it when it feels like your walls are crumbling. When it feels like it's time to throw in the towel. I think many people experience this feeling at some point in life, but the key is to not let it get you down. I know, easier said than done. But everything is easier said until done, until you actually put forth the effort to do it. Then you realize it's not as hard as you thought. You just have to keep trying, and remember to keep God at the forefront of your thoughts. A task in itself when a lot of things don't seem to be going right in your life. Just focused on what IS going right and build off of that. Hard? Yes. Doable? Absolutely. You got this. Don't let it get you. I'm praying for you. I love you.

Pretty Young Thang

Her skin was glowing, as if tiny light led lights were planted beneath the surface. Her smile was radiant. It could cast a spell on any negativity, forcing the contagiousness to infect those around her. Her lips were like a Swiss Army knife: many uses, all satisfying. Her voice was like a saxophone, dripping with melodies that only the Most High could emulate. Her hugs were a cocoon of pleasure, morphing any recipient into the best version of themselves. She tasted like honey, as if she had just walked out of a beehive. Sweet, natural, addictive.

Where can we feel safe in America??

This was a question that was being asked on The Breakfast Club. Now the true question was “where can black women feel safe anymore in this country”. I’ll address the appetizer first before getting into the main course.

Growing up there used to be a certain level of ignorance enjoyed by many of us. “Ignorance is bliss”, they say. See we knew that we weren’t truly safe in this country, but we enjoyed certain areas where we felt secure enough to let our guard down some. We certainly weren’t too concerned with losing our life to police or white people simply because our interactions with them weren’t frequent. We also didn’t have racism being as open and prevalent as it is currently, another reason for our ignorance. Yeah, there were places that you went and received less than preferential treatment, but you just knew to stay away from those places or you knew how to manuever within them. But now it doesn’t matter where you go because there is a common theme: BLACKS AREN’T WANTED. And everything is done to show us that we aren’t wanted. From the upper left corner of Washington to the southernmost tip of Florida, we aren’t welcomed. Sure they like us when we are providing them entertainment, but the buck stops there. My question for these people is do you really hate the chosen people of the Most High that much?? That’s a lot of hatred. One thing I also don’t understand is how non-whites go out of their way to express disdain for us. As if they are high up on the white list. NIGGA PLEASE. Y’all are just one rung up the ladder and can easily get demoted to our status.

Now on to the entrée of this post. I initially didn’t speak on the black woman’s(BW) plight of living in America because I wanted to address things generally. But whereas black people feel as if they don't have anywhere they can feel safe, the BW literally has nowhere to feel safe. See as black men (BM) we have opposition from other races and even from our own brothers. That’s a lot. But BW has opposition from EVERYONE, including us BM. The ones who are supposed to protect and serve BW. The reasons we are mad at the police are the exact same reasons BW are mad at BM. Failure to protect and serve. Yet BW go above and beyond the call of duty to appease everyone, ESPECIALLY us. So now they not only have to be cautious when out amongst other races, but equally cautious when amongst black “men” because they often become victims in that environment as well. I’m tired. It seems like in the past year I have found myself writing something along these lines every couple of months. BM will post Breonna Taylor all day while simultaneously verbally/physically/emotionally abusing their own woman who's next to them. BM will get on the internet and downplay everything a BM is doing. Meanwhile these same BM aren't doing shit with themselves. We gotta stop. As a people we are wayyyy too strong when united. We could be on some Avengers shit when we come together!! But right now we are in Civil War amongst ourselves, and that’s not the Endgame. I’ve wrote enough. Just had to get my thoughts out.

I watch her as she sleeps, her head resting on my chest. Her ear listening to the rhythmic sound of my heart beat. Syncing with hers, our existence slowly emerging into one. She has chosen me as her protector. I have chosen her as my peace. In the darkest of days I can count on her to brighten my world. When the rain is steady in my life, she's there to provide sunshine. And if it's something that the universe deems necessary for me to go through, then she's there with an umbrella. Together we battle. Team US. For better or for worse.

I have been mulling over this phrase all day. Trying to understand why this is the rebuttal that they utter when we simply state “Black Lives Matter”. Initially I thought that maybe there was a disconnect between what their ears hear and what their brain comprehends. But as I sat here thinking, I realize that this is not the case. They hear exactly what we are saying. And they understand it too. Thing is, we don’t comprehend what THEY are saying. We say Black Lives Matter because we honestly feel that the others don't think so. We don’t feel equal in this world and we just want to be heard, seen, respected, and treated as human. But when they say all lives matter, they are telling us that they see us, hear us, etc. What we don’t hear is what is implied after those three words. They are telling us that "black lives matter too, but just enough”.  Enough for them to enjoy our music, enough to cheer us on in sports for their fave team, enough for us to entertain them. And those blacks become their  “house niggers.” They get a little preferential treatment as long as they “shut up and dribble”. The rest of us are seen as “field niggers”. Dispensable. So when a YT tells you that all lives matter, they are essentially saying that your life matters but not as much as you want. They are telling you that you won’t be equal to them, so accept the little value that they have placed over our lives. We have told them enough that our lives matter. Now it’s time to show them exactly how much. BLACK MF’N POWER ✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾

Unity

I don’t like to use the word “hate” to express how I feel about something, but I am adamant about this. I HATE how black men and women interact with each other. In general. The way we view each other at times is disgusting. Men see women as bitches/hoes/thots/pieces of meat, women view men as bums/broke/dogs/something to get some coins out of. And we are so much more than that once we come together as a unit. We don’t know how to talk to each. But instead, we talk AT each other, DOWN to each other. It’s sickening. Social media shows it everyday. And I am disappointed in men in particular because they will get on a woman’s post and talk to her any kind of way simply bc he doesn’t agree with her. How can that make you feel like a man? If we being real, as leaders we should feel embarrassed because a tribe is only as strong as their leader. And the BOYS who disrespect a woman simply because she didn’t want to accept your advances need to grow the fuck up. Is your ego that fragile to the point where you can’t take a no? I also see a lot of women make posts about wanting a relationship. A relationship is a beautiful thing, but just because you want one don’t mean you ready for once. That’s another grown person that you have to interact with. Someone who grew up different than you, have a different outlook on life than you. It’s not going to always be easy street. Not saying that you aren’t ready, but many people think they are and then when it don’t last they just say it was either the other person’s fault or it just wasn't meant to be. But anyways, this was just something I had on my mind. Carry on. 

Random Thoughts

The mind is such a powerful weapon. It can craft a blueprint that shows you the path you need to take. Then that same mind will make you overthink actually making that move, halt you in your steps. See the only thing that stops us from achieving the greatness that we are destined to achieve is us. Plain and simple. We are our biggest obstacle. It's time to remove us from out of our way and continue on the journey that is our purpose.

Blessed

Crazy how I lose track of time whenever I'm in your presence/a celestial being, I'm convinced you are heaven sent/places I've never been, you take me there mentally/Utopia, Paradise, Ecstasy, and eventually you will see that we were meant to be/in this lifetime or maybe the next, I can tell by how your eyes speak to me/some of the best moments in life were spent with you...who would've thought I would get you

Jan. 11, 1994. 24 years ago. UNC-Chapel Hill.(Tarheel 4 Life). A day to remember. Long story short, I was a skinny 12 yr old boy prepping for his first major hospital operation. I was scared. I even put my gown on backwards. Needless to say, Nurse Eileen got an eyeful. 🤦🏾‍♂️. They took me to the operating room. The doctor put the mask over my face and said countdown from 10-1. I was determined to make it to 1. 5, maybe 4 is all I remember before blacking out. I woke up later in a room, needing to run to the bathroom. I was hooked up to an IV so I drug it with me to the bathroom. I relieved myself, then went to wash my hands. As I’m washing, I immediately started getting dizzy and lightheaded. I left the water running and tried to get back in bed. At this point everything was blurry, but I soon realized that I was trying to climb in on the side that still had the bed rails up. I know I was a sight to see. I finally made it in and I assume I was making a lot of commotion because a nurse stopped in. She cut the water off that was beginning to overflow, and made sure I was secure in the bed. Soon after I was sleep again again. I woke up the next day feeling much better. I was told that once I ate lunch I could put my clothes on and I was good to go. So I got dressed and caught a wheelchair up to the floor that housed the cancer patients. As I get inside the room, I see the bone marrow that was extracted from my body the day before being dripped through an IV into my brother. Only time would tell the result. And now 24 years later, we still outchea. An unbreakable bond. There were countless trips from Wilson to Chapel Hill on the weekends. Me and my Pops in the Carolina Blue ‘72 Gran Torino with the white hard top, Tarheel decal on the back window. Being without my brother and mother for my whole 7th grade year. That does something to a 12 year old. But one thing I can say is it made me a believer. Happy Anniversary big bruh. I love you man. We one now. F^^K Cancer!!!🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾

Unbroken

Sometimes life tends to be overwhelming. Sometimes you feel lost, confused, unguided. We have all felt like this at some point. If you haven't, be thankful. But for those of us who have experienced this level of turmoil you know it can be stressful to the point of giving up. And as easy as that sounds, it's also a sign of weakness. Self-doubt. Lack of faith. It's at these times that we have to really find strength from within. Or more importantly, from up above. So if you are reading this and going through a dark time in your life, just remember that in the darkness is where growth occurs. Try to take life one day at a time. We all have the same 24 hours, so it's only right that we make the best of them. 

Perfect Imperfection

Many days praying for rain, trying to hide my tears/giving fake smiles to cover up the pain, shallow laughs to hide the fears/they call me weird, and honestly I'm starting to believe them/goals seem opposite of near and obstacles making it hard to achieve them/but they say if you believe Him then all things are possible/I'm determined to be that freight train with no brakes, yeah that's right, unstoppable/a success story? It's probable but first I gotta give this work/meaning if I want something to work I have to work at it, gotta get it out the dirt/by any means necessary.....

Lost & Found

I lost myself. Somewhere along the way I stopped recognizing the face I saw in the mirror. Initially it scared me, but the more I paid attention to the image staring back at me the more it all made sense. I wasn't being me. I had strayed away from my cemented beliefs, deviated from my normal way of thinking. I was no longer the person I had grown to be. I lost myself. Because I found you. You. The one who I desired. The one who I cherished. I found false hopes and fallacious feelings. I found shallow words and superficial actions. I lost myself. Because I found you. But now I have to lose you to find myself. 

Metamorphosis

My arms wrapped around her, like a cocoon embracing a butterfly. She's in an environment to become who she really is, she's protected. She's cherished. She's welcomed. See people feel that the cocoon is what makes the butterfly. Truth is, they need each other. For one can't exist without the other. We aren't there yet. Hell it's still just a dream to me right now. But in this dream I experience bliss like no other. She stays in my arms for what seems like an eternity. And I hold her close to me, basking in the pleasure that she bestows on me from the mere touch of her fingertips on my arm. Tightening my hold on her, not wanting to let go for fear of this dream suddenly coming to an end. She feels my heartbeat thumping against her back, the bassline soothing her nerves as it's been awhile since she's been in this position. But my goal is to secure, not seduce. Comfort, not contort. I want her to be happy and comfortable. To be able to let go and know that she has a safety net. One day....

Wish Upon A Star

Mesmerizing. Hypnotic. Enchanting. Spellbinding. Engrossing. I could go on and on until Webster's vocabulary has been depleted, and still it wouldn't be enough to describe this living artwork. She has been flawlessly illustrated by God's paintbrush. Unparalleled...Her Beauty. Melodic...Her laugh. Her physique is perfectly sculpted.  Her lips call out to me, beckoning me to join her in a dance of orgasmic bliss. And I oblige with kisses of ecstasy. My arms wrapped around this chocolate goddess, our bodies so close that her heart locks fingers with mine. One beat. In sync is our desire to never let each other go. I inhale her, hold her in my lungs for as long as possible before exhaling, watching as she slips out of my grasp. Leaving me standing there, hoping for the day where my yearns turn into my realities. 

Footprints

Where were you when I needed you? I called out to you but you didn't reply. I knocked on your door but you didn't acknowledge me. Instead you left me outside with no direction. Forsaken me. Abandoned me. The more unloved I felt, the harder my heart got. The further I stepped away from you, the more the ice began to thicken. A glacier formed, residing on the left side of my chest. And I loved it. I loved the fact that I couldn't love anymore. No longer did I have to abide by the regulations placed on those who used that ugly piece of meat as their guidance. I was free to do what I felt. Free to make my own decisions. And I had never felt more alive! But something within me was dying. As a rose withers after it no longer has the life source contained within its roots, so did I. I cut my myself off from you, the very essence of my being. Not even knowing that my detachment was the cause of my darkness. See you didn't leave me, I left you. You didn't respond to my calling because you showed up at my doorstep. Wanting to see me in person. You didn't respond to my knocking because at the same moment you were knocking on my door. Trying to make yourself at home in my life. All I ask is that you forgive me Father, for your child is wanting to come back into your welcoming arms. 

Power Of The Tongue

That pretty pink wrapped in pretty pink. The visions I captured of you makes it hard to think. I'm in awe. Am I wrong for staring at your thong? See I've been thinking of playing a song on your clit using only my tongue. Them pretty thighs wrapped around my neck, commanding me to make you cum.  And when it gets too sweet to speak, don't fret, I know how to hum. I've had fantasies about pleasing you. My fantasy? Shit, to get you wetter than the kitchen sink. Thirsty? Nah not quite but I'll definitely take a drink. It's been said time and time again that you can speak life or death with ur mouth. So with mine I speak life into this feeling of ecstasy that will dwell in you down south. I don't mean to disrespect, and I see more to you than sexual feelings. But a beautiful woman always deserve sexual healing. And I'm willing to let my kisses flow all over. 'Cause inside, outside, you beautiful all over. I know plenty of people have told ya. But if they haven't, let my tongue write it on your walls..sometimes it's better to just show ya.

Untitled

Sometimes I feel like a nomad, or could it be that I'm a rolling stone/I find myself grasping for something I never had, maybe that's why I struggle with holdin on/one day I'm here, the next I'm gone/don't wanna be a burden, that's why I prefer to be alone/they say crying is a sign of weakness/ but if that's how I voice my pain, I guess I should just remain speechless/if the meek shall inherit the earth, I'm just trying to be the meekest/there's a lesson to be learned in all things, we just have to be receptive to what He's trying to teach us/lost in the world, God please be my compass/looking back on my life, just what have I accomplished/a whole bunch of nonsense, getting praises from the ignorant/If I had taken the red pill instead, I wonder if it would have made a difference/how would it have affected my survival/armed with a bible instead of an assault rifle/love being the new weapon I aim at my rivals/but it seems that the enemy keeps trying to destroy what is written/My Father said He will never forsake me, but somehow I keep on forgetting......

Y.O.U.

You do something to me
You see through me
You complete me
You never let anything defeat me
You are my everything
You are my wedding ring
You are my four letter word
You are the noun to my verb
You are the yin to my yang
You are the one I'm hoping for everything my phone has rang
You are my beginning, you are my end
You are my homie, my lover, my friend
You are the variable to my equation
You broke the mold, there is no replacing
You are my heartbeat, you are the food that I eat
You are my destination every time I move my feet
You are my rainbow after the rain
You are the Oxycontin to my pain
You are the one that saw the best in me
You are my fate, you are my destiny
You are my fraction, you are my better half
You are my comforter, you are the one that makes me laugh
You are my heat, you are my "BRR"
You are the one men dream of when they talk about the perfect her
You know exactly who you are
You are the one for W.E.S. J. R.

The Devil Is A Lie

It seems like forever since I wrote anything. 2013 took a toll on me mentally and physically. But no need to dwell on that. It's a new year and a new chapter. So I figured what better way to signify change than to start the new year off with my passion, my joy, my release: writing. The title to this piece came from a song by rappers Rick Ross ft. Jay-Z. The song may not go with the words, but oh well! I do what I want. Lol. No seriously. Anyways, sit back and enjoy while I sip on this Twenty Grand and put my words on "paper". 

My men-tuition kicking in, my head is feeling light

Spider senses are tingling, something just isn't right

Can't quite put my finger on it, but I know it's a feeling I've felt before

Too afraid of the pain, I refuse to explore

Not wanting to know more, I make preparations to ignore

But this sh*t is knocking loud, as if the police are at the door

I'm trying to give my mind "a-rrest" but my heart is handcuffed

Looking to the heavens, hoping God says "ok, that's enough"

But He allows the devil to continue to administer the pain

My eyes are slowly becoming nimbus clouds, the forecast is expecting rain

I try to keep it together, hoping to change the weather

Praying for sunny, clear skies; anything to make it better

But to no avail, it's slowly starting to sprinkle

Out comes pain that's been sleeping longer than Rip Van Winkle

Now my stomach is churning, a peace of mind is what I'm yearning

And somewhere in the background Usher is talking about something burning

I'm losing the battle, but I'm more focused on the war

I cry out to my Father, not able to take the pain anymore

Right before it becomes unbearable, He sends His angels to protect me

Reminding me that as long as I believe, He will never neglect me

The war is over, now I'm something like a veteran

And having gone through it, I think I came out a better man

The lesson learned is to believe, no need to cry

And no matter the adversity, the devil is a lie

Finish Line

So u walk in, hips swaying as only u know how to do. I embrace you in my arms, your scent intoxicating. We kiss, slow and sensual, our bodies heating up instantly. We attempt to hold a conversation but it sounds like a bunch of gibberish as our minds are really focused on what our bodies are telling us. I stand u up before me and start undressing u. First your beater and shorts come off, revealing a matching orange and white bra and thong. Coupled with the tangerine colored heels, you present an image of flawless beauty . Pulling u closer to me, I start kissing you on your stomach as I wrap my arms around you and squeeze your round mound of brown. Instinctively my hands unhook your bra and I immediately start sucking on your pretty titties. Nibbling, licking, sucking from left to right. Simultaneously I slide your thong down, which is now drenched with your juices. Not wanting you to feel left out, I take my clothes off until both of us are naked except your 5 inch stiletto heels. Lying back onto the bed, I pull u onto me. You hover your sweetness above my dick, but it's too soon. I pull u up further until u are directly above my mouth. Slowly descending onto me, you spoon feed me with that goodness. As the feeling starts to evoke a pleasurable sensation, you find yourself grinding on my face, trying to hit that elusive spot with my tongue. The excitement is building up, causing you to go faster, as if my tongue is a raging bull that's trying to buck u off. Suddenly your legs shake uncontrollably as you release yourself, with me lapping up your juices that taste better than any kool-aid I've ever made. Climbing down from your personal wet'n wild ride, u slide down until your body is lying on top of mine. Reaching behind you, you put me inside of you and my body shudders from the sudden ecstasy that is permeating throughout me. Slow, deep strokes inside of you has me on edge, a feeling that can't be imitated anywhere else. I place my hands on your booty, squeezing it as u rise and lower yourself onto me. As the intensity increases, I speed up, desperately chasing a feeling that seems to be out of my grasp. You have now assisted me, bouncing on me as I'm temporarily paralyzed. As my breath shortens, I tell you not to stop. You can't hear me though because your body is sending signals telling you that you are close to the finish line. I tell you I'm coming. You tell me you are too. As the pace quickens, we both cross the line at the same time, holding each other close as the electricity continues to send sparks through our body. I kiss you, I hold you, and I thank you for a feeling like no other.