Niggas In Paris Our Vocabulary

I don't really know where to start. I've read the alleged tweet from Gwyneth Paltrow that said "niggas in paris onstage for real", and the backlash that she has received from the black community. I say alleged only because The Dream claims that now it was him who sent the tweet from her phone, but we all know that was a cover up for a friend/associate. But the thing that probably sits on my mind more than Gwen sending that tweet is how "we" become so offended when we hear this word, how we feel as if the speaker has just slapped our mother and then spit in her face. I will say that I am guilty for using the word nigga. And for the record, nigga and nigger aren't really different. Sometimes I do try to justify it at times by saying that a "nigger" is an ignorant person and this can go for anyone, regardless of race, whereas a "nigga" is a term of endearment(yeah, I don't even believe the bullshit myself).

Let me start with this word in general. I hear this word being spoken probably hundreds of times everyday from my own people. But we get upset when we hear someone else say it? A word that we have now made mainstream and acceptable, but we supposedly are so hurt by it. We out here ready to whoop a "niggas" ass over pussy or money, ready to pop a "nigga" for being disrespected, but we expect another race to respect us enough not to say the word. NIGGA PLEASE!! The Dream made some very interesting statements in Ms. Paltrow's defense. One, we give the word too much power over us. It's a word. Like he said, racism is in actions, not words. True, words are very powerful, but only as powerful as you allow them to be. Like the old adage goes, "sticks and stones may break my bones.....". We can't stop anybody from speaking their mind. So stop trying. Another point being made was how niggas become the most righteous after they are called a nigga. So 30 minutes ago you was sitting around selling crack to your people, ready to shoot at your people, breaking into your people's house, but now that this white man has called you a nigga, you are ready to become the face of your people and defend them. NIGGA PLEASE!! If your homeboy calls you a nigga, treat him the same way that you would treat a white person. Now I understand the significance of the word. Definitely not downplaying that because I know what our people have been through. Key word is THROUGH. We have moved on from it, and with that being said, we should be moving on from the word too. Let's not forget it, but leave it in the Smithsonian Museum with all of the other slavery items. I read a comment where a young lady was saying "when you can call another race a derogatory term and get away with it, then that's when you can call me a nigga". But you don't hear Jews calling each other Kikes, you don't hear Mexicans calling each other Wetbacks. We going around calling each other words that we don't want others to call us. Niggas has never, nor will it ever, be owned by black people. And if you think you deserve to say it because of what your ancestors endured, then NIGGA PLEASE!!

Now for Ms. Paltrow, she states that she didn't know it would cause such an uproar. I don't believe she thought she could tweet it and nothing would happened. Who knows what she was thinking right before hitting the send button. But unfortunately, a lot of blacks are not that far removed from what happened. Some of us still have certains wounds that haven't healed based off of individual situations. But I can understand what she was saying. The song is called "Niggas In Paris". The self-proclaimed niggas(Jay & Ye) were literally in Paris, performing this song 11 times in a row. So niggas were in Paris, onstage, for real. She was speaking on the title of the song and stating that Jay & Ye are actually where they claimed to be, that this wasn't just a title but an actual fact.

When we out in public, calling each other nigga this and nigga that in front of other races, what gives us the right to say "hold up, you can't say this word. This is OUR word"?? That shit makes us niggERS! Just speaking my mind, that's all. Hope no one was offended by this post. "It's just my thoughts man, right or wrong. Just what I was feeling at the time". And if you are feeling salty about this post, I will offer these parting words: NIGGA PLEASE!!

Music Still Is.....

As I sit here and listen to this cd, I find myself in a trance, a euphoric state of mind(and nah, it's not the Cuervo & Sprite!). "Music is my therapy". I have said this before, and true thinkers can relate to this. Music takes me to a place that no person has ever taken me before. It evokes a feeling that I find myself chasing daily, only to end up pressing play and realizing that the feeling was at the tip of my finger the whole time. Music tickles my funny bone, massages my aches, de-stresses my mind, and eradicates my tension. Music is that one thing, that one perfection, that one creation  that holds me with the same love that a mother gives to a newborn the first time she sees it. Music has been with me since day one. I think I was conceived to music, introduced to music during pregnancy, and finally met music the day I came out. In my mind, I believe she was there waiting for me to enter this world, ready to console my soul and ease my worries, prepared me for the struggles of life. Music is what keeps me sane when dealing with the George Zimmerman's of the world. Music is my little voice in my head telling me that everything is going to be ok, even when the world argues differently. Music is my all.

#KONY2012

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.


During and after watching this video, I felt something move within me. This video is deep. I wish there was more that I could do, and maybe there is. But first thing is to get the message out there.

Suspect: Joseph Kony
Crime: killings, mutilations, rape, and in some accounts even cannibalism.
Location: Northern Uganda, Africa

Kony is known for attacking families in their house, taking the kids to be used for his army. They say he also forces the kids to kill their family members and neighbors, giving them nowhere to run back to and ultimately having to choose to fight for him. The little boys become soldiers in his army, the little girls become sex slaves as "rewards" or become wives, which Kony reportedly has 60 of.

Barack has put into motion the capturing and dismantling of Kony's Lord Resistance Army(LRA), which is a giant step into the direction that we need to go in. Kony has stated that his mission is sent from God, based on the 10 Commandments. If I'm not mistaken, "thou shalt not kill" and "thou shalt not steal" are two of those commandments.

The number of kids conscripted under his reign is staggering, as little as 30,000 and as high as 104,000, all within the past 26 years. Captives that become troublesome often have their nose, ears, and/or lips cut off, then sometimes are forced to eat their own flesh. Something has to be done about this monster, and something has to be done now. I hope this video and consequential actions shed enough light on this situation and also brings Kony to justice.

#KONY2012...the time is now

A Heart Divided

Dazed and confused, unsure of what to do 
Past or the present, which one do you choose 
If you had it your way, which one has to lose? 


Mind is here, heart is elsewhere
13 years vs. 5 months, doesn't really compare 
Change has to come, I can feel it in the air 


Past is gone, God rest his soul 
Present is hanging on by a thread, trying not to let go 
Future seems miles away, somewhere lost on the road 


Problems and situations, situations and problems 
They are priority, first we have to solve them, 
Work our way to the top, but it's so cold at the bottom 


She tries to move on, but her direction is undecided 
A love stronger than you have ever known, I can provide it 
But she may never know, because her heart is divided....

We All Gotta Go One Day...

R.I.P. To Whitney, and all the other greats that have come and gone.




I was at the crib. My homeboy was cutting my hair, the radio on in the other room. We were laughing and joking when the DJ came over the air to announce Whitney Houston's death. It was as if he didn't know how to relay the message. His mood was real somber, his voice hating to be the bearer of such bad news. I immediately looked at my Twitter, and sure enough my timeline was filled with "R.I.P. Whitney's" and "No, please tell me it can't be true's". Went to Facebook. EVERYbody and their mother were paying their respects to Whitney. Of course in this cruel, disrespectful world I saw the "crack/coke jokes" as well as insults to Bobby Brown and Bobbi Kristina. A few people texted me to see if I had heard the news. I envisioned someone in their house shedding a tear for the late Ms. Houston. She was iconic to us. Before there was Beyonce, there was Whitney. I seen a few videos today where she had the mini-skirts, big hair, and beautiful face. She created the blueprint. The thing that made me think the most though was people didn't want to believe it, didn't believe it could be true. I understand how shocking it could be, but sometimes I hear things like this and think that people don't realize that we are here temporarily. No matter who you are. I seen this on someone's twitter: "People die everyday. That's a part of life. Know it's a better place than being here and you shouldn't be sad. Every ending is a new beginning". No one lives forever. At least not in the body that you are currently in. And the phrase "Y.O.L.O.(You Only Live Once) is a cool one, but technically if your soul right you will live twice, die once. But I'm not about to preach to you. People have said that during Black History Month, we always lose great ones. People have said that there is something heavenly about the number 7. Michael Jackson, Left Eye, & Aaliyah died on the 25th. Whitney died on 2-11-12. I indeed believe that the number 7 is heavenly, but I don't think you can just group a few people with that number. In my opinion, it was their time to be called home. Just like anybody else that has passed. And just like each and every one of us will be when it's our time.


As I stated elsewhere, we all have to go. It's written. So all you can do is live right and enjoy your life. I love all of y'all. Celebrate life.

Ramblings of a Madman...

As I sit here listening to Kem, a million thoughts race through my head. It's as if I'm hosting the Olympics in my brain. I try to pick a "winner", hoping that one will give me the inspiration to rattle off a few words. I start, then I erase. Nothing is helping. I look to my left. My bottle of water sits there, as if saying "don't look to me for inspiration. I'm the most boring thing on this planet. But I'm good for ya" *in its' Chris Rock voice*. Damn. I look at my outfit: Red/black Cincinnati hat, black tee, red balling shorts, black/white chucks. I have a coordination problem. Started a long time ago. No company coming over. No one to see me, but yet I can't throw on mismatch clothing. Anyways, off of that. I think about my situation. Funny how the word 'situation' can be used to describe different things. I have several situations, some good, some bad. The main situation causes stress, has me in here on a Friday night alone, writing, rambling. My situation seems to taunt me at times. Maybe I deserve it. My other situation puts a smile on my face. That situation always make me feel good when it's around. But as previously stated, I'm here alone. So as much as that situation helps, I need it's contact to keep my head above water. To keep me sane, if that's possible. I think about God. I wonder what He thinks of me right now. Is He happy with me? Am I too far away from Him to hear what He's trying to say to me. I think...I think...and I think some more. All these thoughts, yet nothing at the forefront. Can't even focus on lust. That's a first. What am I doing here? Besides taking up some poor saps time by making them read this, thinking that they will get to the good part eventually. Sorry poor sap. I'm just a ball of confusion, an orgy of perplexities. I don't even know what I'm talking about right now. And the sad thing is I'm NOT drinking. I would "smh" but I might mess up the race. I'm done for now....

Mind vs. Heart

After reading a friend's blog on something similar, I received their "permission" to somewhat copy their subject matter. It's not something that I feel comfortable with, but giving that our writing styles are different, I think I'm okay. Plus their post was like the Pacific Ocean(deep); mine will be more like an Olympic swimming pool(doesn't compare).

My mind is full. All I see is the multi-bodied creation before me. There is one head composed of several faces laid atop of one another. Complexion is forever changing, ranging between shades of brown, white, yellow, and red. Part of the hair is natural: locs, afro, and ponytail take residence on one side of the face. The other side consists of long flowing hair. What people like to call "that good hair". Possibly of Spanish decent. I see some facial parts that remind me of someone, but because there are too many noses, mouths, eyes, and jawbones on this one face, it's hard to pinpoint where one person starts and one person ends. As hideous as this sounds, I am attracted to it. Desire burns deep inside of me, lust being the gasoline that fuels this fire. One big face leading to numerous bodies. As the bodies come into focus, the blood takes refuge in the lower part of my body, resting comfortably in the large vessel it likes to visit often. Each body has it's own hue, own shape. But one thing is constant amongst them: heels, wifebeater, and thong. Big asses, small asses, big breasts, small breasts, long legs, short legs. My mind is going in overdrive, boiling the blood below, causing me to think irrationally. The vessel "points outward", as if it's my guide. The bodies beckon me, and my feet have now become in sync with the vessel who has started receiving orders from up top. I try to control myself but this vessel belongs in water, and the bodies have sensed this. Moist thongs tease me, opened mouths invite me. I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't the road for me anymore. I want more out of life, but my mind isn't willing to pass up a good time. An easy good time. As if on cue, the bodies strip naked, leaving the heels on, spreading legs, turning around, bending over, reminding the vessel of the special treatment he receives. As the vessel becomes full of blood, it gets heavy. Strong. Hard to fight the gravitational pull that is now put on him. As I get closer, my mind gets slightly overwhelmed. So many options, so many memories. The confusion allows me one last minute ditch-effort, but to no avail. My whole body is now in tune with each other, craving the temporary satisfaction. But something makes me stop for a minute, makes me wonder aloud: if all of me is for this, what is fighting against it? I look inside of me, and there's the answer. My heart....


 My heart longs for her. She gives me wings. My little Red Bull. Our hearts have started to intertwine, slowly becoming one. She appears before me, skinny jeans, heels, sweater, scarf, glasses, lip gloss. Standing 5'7 with 4-inch heels on. 144 pounds, body like a goddess. Slim where it's important, thick where it counts. She looks at me and I see the love behind her eyes. I also see the hurt, the shaky trust. And I embrace it all, prepared to go to war to declare her independence from a troubled past. I see her and the naked bodies writhing in my mind are becoming a distant past. There's a new fire that burns deep inside, fueled by love, want, comfortability, and God. My mind is trying to gain strength, going back over past episodes, showcasing the pleasures that I have enjoyed in life. But my heart displays the emptiness that I've felt for a long time, a void that lifes' pleasures couldn't fill. My heart shows me what happened when I didn't listen to it, instead choosing to hear the fallacies cooked up by my mind and my vessel, causing pain to myself as well as to others. The same others that are not part of the creature behind me. The same others that, although they are different, are represented in the beauty before me. The heart reminds the vessel how it feels when they are both involved. The heart reminds the body how it feels to be next to someone that you want to lay with, hold, and wake up next to. And for the last task, the heart speaks to the mind: 

Heart: I have let you take charge for a long time. And where has it gotten us? Sure there were many nights of pleasure, but do you remember how you would drive home afterwards, beating yourself up? 

Mind: Yeah, but... 

Heart: (interrupts)..and you know how you would drown yourself in alcohol just to go through with some of these "jobs"? 

Mind: Yeah, b-b-but I, umm.... 

Heart: And you remember how you would hurt the ones whom I was involved with, only for me to have to work overtime to fix your mess? 

Mind: yeah 

Heart: Well it's over for all that. I entrusted the body to you, gave you authority over the prized "vessel". Let you use him, all for the sake of trying to prove something to yourself. But no more. From now on, I will determine where he goes. And whom he go with. Do I make myself clear? 

Mind: (sigh) Yes, u do. 

The bodies are slowly becoming a silhoutte, a blur, a reminder of what life was like as a care-free spirit. The heart and the mind are working together now, trying to be a formidable team once again. 

Motivation

It's hard for me to write, although it's something that I feel passionate about. Am I good? That's up for debate. Do I enjoy my writings? That's not even a question. But in the last year, I haven't been able to dig deep and produce that part of me that I cherish. True, I've written a few blogs here and there, spoke on relationship issues or just everyday living. But that's not what I started writing for. My true love is erotic literature. I mean, who doesn't like sex. It's just been hard to parlay that feeling into words. Just as much as I enjoy having it, I enjoy talking/writing about it(okay, maybe not JUST as much, but I have a deep love for orally expressing my interest in it. No pun intended). It's been hard to find the words to put on paper lately. I've started and stopped so many stories. I just can't find my motivation. Somebody get Kelly Rowland on the phone! Seriously though, I think it's about time for me to produce something. My "fans" have been waiting, and I don't want to lose the audience I have, even if it's just a few friends. People ask me what will it take to motivate me. I have even had females ask to be my "inspiration". I appreciate the gesture, but it doesn't work that way. The thing that has gotten my mind churning the most lately has been reading other peoples' work. To see someone else's mind at work is slowly starting to get me back to where I used to be. And I've started following a new blog lately that has really captivated my attention. I'm just hoping that I can hold on to this feeling long enough to bang out something new. Not sure how that just came out, but you get the point! Anyways, I'm rambling right about now. But this is a good drank!!

   

I BLEED Carolina Blue! lol...yeah, I'm a UNC fan, so all Dookies, you know what it is! When arguing with my homies about Carolina, sometimes I have to use my trump card because Carolina will disappoint me at the most inconvenient time. My trump card? Peep the pic above. The greatest basketball player to ever do it. AND he's wearing a UNC jersey. So I say, whenever Duke(or any other college team) can produce the greatest, then come see me. Is it childish? Probably. Is it true? Hell yeah! lol.

I didn't attend UNC. And my love for Carolina goes deeper than just choosing a team. I have a deep connection to the UNC hospital staff for saving the life of my brother, and for that I am forever grateful. So when I say I'm riding with them forever, it's not just a statement. It's a promise.

Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Lie??

     This is a topic that I seen on twitter, and while I was in the shower I gave it more thought(for some reason, in the shower or on the highway is where I do some of my best thinking). The topic at hand is, do numbers(sexual partners) really matter. This may be a little sensitive to some, but we're going in anyway. No pun intended.

     Do you want to know how many people your mate has slept with? Me personally, I don't think I would ever ask that question. Maybe it's because that was then, and this is now. Maybe it's because I don't want to know. Some of the responses I have seen were "Yeah. You don't buy a car without knowing how many miles it has", or a decent one was "yeah because you want to know what kind of decision-making they do". Then of course there were the "no because the past is the past". Those seem to ring common for people full of optimism. So again I ask, do you want to know?

     It's funny how men and women generally respond to this question. If a woman asks a man how many females he has slept with, the guy will more than likely use the "past is the past" statement. The question will get sidestepped because men don't feel the need to express what he has done before you. He may feel that she can't handle the truth, or worse, will throw it back in his face during argument time. (Ex. "It's 2:00am. Where you been. Probably out there adding another name to your list since you never seemed to learn to keep it in your pants!). So to avoid the drama, a man will try to take your eyes off the past and focus them on the future. If a man asks a woman how many guys she has slept with, the outcome could be a little different. She may use the "past is the past" line. But the common "myth" is that she will give you a number. What number it is, who knows! She may give you the number of boyfriends she has had, the number of lovers that she actually enjoyed, or she may give what she consider a reasonable number to past inspection. Lol. Seriously though, she may even just be honest. But the thing is, she will give a number. Why? Because she knows how soft man is. Oh sure they are the toughest thing around on the outside, but on the inside lies one of the most fragile things known to mankind: an ego. He wants to feel that he got a good one. Doesn't matter what she does for him now. Man just don't want to be that guy walking around with a woman that the whole city knows as promiscuous. His ego can't handle it because he focuses too much on his image. And woman, being the caterer that she tends to be for her man, strokes his ego. She knows that a little lie here could lead to a lifetime of happiness. And because of how some men would react, can you blame her?

     Sex is everywhere. Your radio, your movies or videos, internet. It's even used to describe things. How many times have you heard of an object being called sexy? Or heard the terms shoe-gasm or ear-gasm? Seems like nowadays everything reverts back to sex. Obtaining sexual partners is probably easier now then ever before. With that being said, the average number of partners is probably higher now than 10, 20 years ago. For men AND women. I say that because a lot of men are still going by the double standard rule. I don't agree with it, but I know how men think. In their mind, women are wired differently then men. Women are "supposed" to care more while men possess the animalistic instincts of the wild, so therefore women aren't "supposed" to have as many partners as men. While some may feel that's the case, women are just as equal as man in society, so a "hoe" refers to both genders. And men, please remember that this is not a badge of honor.

    Numbers don't tell a whole story. Comedian Lil Duval said it best: "the biggest hoes are the ones looking for love". What this means is a person who's looking for love meets someone, takes a liking to them, and then do what they think they need to do in order to keep/make that person happy. Then 3 months later after it doesn't work out, they are back out there looking for love again, in all the wrong places. This practice may increase numbers dramatically, but it doesn't define the person. They would be the same person if they fell in love after the 2nd try. Their only flaw is wanting love but going about it the wrong way. Another scenario with numbers is, say for example a woman had 10 partners and another had 5. The one with 10 was looking for love but constantly ending up with the wrong type of guys, whereas the one with 5 was rotating her guys in and out, some at the same time(threesomes, 4somes, etc). Would you look at the numbers, or the actions? 

     At the end of the day, numbers are numbers. Don't judge someone because the number they have isn't the number you think they should have. Because if you believe in God, whether your number is 1 or 100 and they aren't your spouse, you are equally wrong. So stop dwelling on the past. If you are with someone you are accepting them for who they are, flaws and all.

Music is...

I don't know about you, but when I hear this I just mellow out. No words needed, just melodies emanating from the trumpet, engulfing you into a warm embrace. Exquisite sounds, like caviar for my ears. This brings me to a tranquil state...puts me at peace. Music is my drug, my lover, my rest haven. It takes me up to the highest of highs, down to the lowest of lows. It sympathizes with me, having experienced any problem that I have. Then in a split second, it energizes me. It takes me to a party, dancing with me as if it had long legs, a soft backside, and the gracefulness of a ballerina. I am in love with music, and I know music loves me back. And not just any love. It loves me unconditionally. The slightest touch from me, and music is instantly turned on, ready to take me for a ride. Ready to erase the worries of that day. Music is my wife, my mistress and my babymama. Music is my filet mignon, my Louis XIII. Music is my loud, purple haze and kush all in one. Music is my Maybach, my G5, my yacht and my Ducati. Music is my therapist, my wingman, my Ambien. Music isn't quite my savior because I have one of those, but music is my heart.

Trust Issues

What's going on folks. I stepped away for awhile, but I'm back like Diddy's rap career(I think it's okay for him to stop now. Diddy, we begging you!). But you know what it is. After discussions among friends, I blog about it. So without further ado, let's get started on the subject at hand: trust.

Trust is a big word. Not literally, of course. It has several definitions, as it could be used as a noun or a verb. But the main definition that I prefer is "firm reliance on the integrity, ability, etc., of a person or thing". Now that is deep. Whether you trust someone to hit the game-winning shot, or trust them with your heart, you totally believe in whatever they say or do. If you have been at practice and seen your teammate hit a shot from a particular spot on the basketball court and he's never missed, when it comes to gametime and he's called upon to make that shot to win the game, you will be confident that the ball is going in the basket. There's no way they can miss after being so perfect in practice. So how does one apply that same trust into their relationship? For starters, it has to be applied from the beginning. Then it has to be maintained, because having to regain trust is a hard task, IF you are given that privilege. Even if that is the case, it's harder to achieve that same level of trust as before. Suppose that same teammate is called upon to hit the big shot, but you have never seen him make it before. This time, he misses it. Do you think the coach will call upon him to take the shot next time? Probably not. But at the end of the day, sure a person can do the right thing, be honest with their words, but trust in relationships isn't necessarily a tangible thing. For example, you can't take trust to the gym, watch it work out, then make a decision on how strong yours is. This is something that you just have to take a chance on, unfortunately. To have trust in a relationship means to have total faith in a person's words and actions, and it won't happen overnight.

"Confident Expectation" is another definition of trust. It is very similar to the first definition. How many times did we see Michael Jordan take the last shot of the game to win it for his team? And when he pulled up, you could see the expectation on his teammates' faces. They knew they were going to win. But he didn't make all of them. Yet each time the team was in that situation, everybody knew who was getting the ball. But Jordan had to earn that trust from his team. Being put into that situation, being the one that is believed in requires proven results. Can, without a shadow of a doubt, say that you can trust ur mates' decision-making and not second guess it? And vice versa? Oh it's easy to trust with the small decisions. But what about when he's going to a party and you heard that the girl all his boys nicknamed Jawbone was going to be there? Or what about when her and her homegirl who's a little wild go to see their favorite singer and they got invited to chill backstage. Do you have confidence in what is expected of him/her? This should be the easiest if you know your mate. But it should also be easy period because there is no cause for stressing yourself over something that you ultimately don't have any control over. A person will do what they want to if it's something they really desire, but a trustworthy person will make sure it lines up with the expectations of their relationship.

Another thing about trust is you have to distinguish your mate from everyone else. If they were the same as others, I don't think you would be with them. So just because a person says or does something that you've seen in someone who's lost your trust doesn't mean you should throw them in that category as well. Prime example: I've heard women say that some of the biggest lies men tell when it comes to their cell phone is "my phone died", "I didn't get a text from you" or "I was sleep". The reason SOME guys tell these lies is because these things actually happen, and they need a lie so they grab on to something that is honest yet simple because their mind need to be able to stick to their lie instead of making & keeping up a story. Like I always say, the fakers are messing it up for the real guys out here bc the fakers see what real guys are doing and try to recycle it to other women. This produces the "heard it all before syndrome" which could lead to a person missing out on something good. With that being said, don't look at WHAT is coming out of their mouth and automatically assume it's a lie. You need to look at WHO is speaking, and that should determine if what is being said is a lie. If you trust someone, you won't put them in the group with everyone else. If you feel that you don't know a person well enough to know if they are speaking the truth, then sometimes you just have to go out on a limb. Unless it's something blatantly foolish, believe them. Trust has to be built. It's like a sandcastle. It stays intact until something comes to knock it down.

Okay, it's late now. I need to go to bed. But the moral of the story is stop being paranoid and give people a chance. A person can't earn trust if they have to break through a brickwall just to show that they are trustworthy. On the flip side, don't be a dummy out here in these streets letting people use you because you THINK you have confident expectations of them when they don't even have any of themselves. Be smart. Well folks, I'm out. Love love and hate hate.

Realest Thing I Ever Wrote

This is a piece I wrote a few years back. I actually like it, considering that I'm not too fond of my previous writings.

Trying to live perfect in an imperfect world
Braving the elements, still feeling helpless
Don't want to be selfish, but right now it's all about me
My joy, my pain, my lost, my gain
Climbing mountains, only to reach deserts
My soul is parched, thirsty for knowledge
Hungry for growth, full of depression
Trying to learn the lesson, but to no avail
They told me I couldn't cry because I'm a man
Didn't quite understand, so I told them it was my allergies
They handed me a tissue, said my forehead was sweating
In actuality, my brain was crying from all the pain
I tattooed hands on my back, wasn't feeling wings
Not trying to fly away, just want help holding the world on my shoulders
Getting older, and with "mo' age comes mo' problems"
I know they say with "mo' money", but ask yourself, is Bill Gates feeling like me right now
Young, black, and gifted? More like young, black, and targeted
Trying to get lifted, but keep falling
Trying to walk the path, but keep stumbling
Damn this world is heavy.

Friends

I think I have some of the most amazing friends ever. I try to help out as much as I can, but when it's my time to receive such friendship, I don't expect it from people. I just know how the world is. And although I have people that I really consider friends, it's based off of their words moreso than their actions, or what they can do for me. I never look at friends and measure our friendship off of the last deed that they did for me. That's not what a real friend does, but when a friend puts forth the effort to do something physically, then I praise them even more because to me, that's not what being a friend is really about. As a friend, I think you are supposed to give advice, let them know if there is something they should be doing that can improve their life. But when a friend does a physical deed without even being asked, then I think you really have someone who is selfless. I love all of the people that I consider a friend. Whether you are new or old to my friendslist, I really appreciate you from the bottom of my heart. And more importantly, I love you.

Duo365Photography Photoshoot

Ok, so I finally got in front of the camera this past weekend. Well, in front of a real camera. And it was a rated G shoot. Guess I should clarify that! Haha (just serious!). But my cousin and his soon-to-be wife are looking to get into photography, and asked me to take some photos for them. So I reluctantly agreed, but I am thankful for them! I like two sets of them, but the last set didn't come out as I wanted it to. Not because of them. They did an amazing job. But I'm in the "grungy" stage of growing my hair out and it really showed in the pics! Nonetheless, I decided to add a few here for people to see. Enjoy.

A Change Is Gonna Come

It's kinda hard to write this. On September 29th, 2011 I lost my job. It wasn't just any job. It was the first time I had a job that I could actually call a career. The reason for losing it is irrelevant, but it wasn't anything major. The company I worked for was a stickler for the wrong thing, but that's neither here nor there now. I just moved into a new place, no longer having a roommate. And I picked up a car payment 4 months ago. I started to reminisce on the last time that I was unemployed and how that felt. And back then, I didn't have nearly the amount of bills I have now. It's very easy to let the stress get you down when you are in predicaments like this. The good thing is I was raised by a praying family, so with that being said I got faith that things will change around soon. I just felt like getting this off of my chest. I'ma let Sam complete the blog for me.

Marriage

It's been a minute since I came up here and blogged about this crazy world we live in. But I decided to speak on a topic real briefly. I wasn't really in a writing mood, but I managed to jot a few things down. So either enjoy it or not. You already know how I feel about that! Lol.

So I was talking to a friend about relationships and the issue of people changing after they get into a marriage came up. This is something that I don't understand, or think I ever will. Why would a person go through everything that comes along with a relationship, vow to stay with someone forever, and then change? This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I've heard people say that it's because once you have somebody, you don't have to work as hard anymore. So my question to that is, a person would rather live miserably for the rest of their life just because they have a spouse now? And you will be living miserably because if you changed, then your spouse is not happy which SHOULD make you unhappy since y'all are one now.

This isn't the same as a female acting a certain way to get material things from a man, or a male acting a certain way until he "get the drawls" as Tommy from Martin would say. But this is a marriage. You have to deal with that person forever. But then again, a lot of people don't take marriage seriously so I can see why some of these actions take place. Now don't get me wrong, change is inevitable. Some things we can't change. But if you can't show your wife/husband the same affection that you once showed him/her when y'all were dating, then you two shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. This is the one thing that should be constant. It doesn't require you to be "ballin", nor does it require you to go out of your way. And I don't believe that a person suddenly doesn't feel the same about their mate as they did before, which becomes some peoples' lame excuse as to why they changed. That is the same person that you were dating all this time, smiling in their face and loving every minute of being with them. UNLESS you were unhappy in the first place but you put on a show just to get what you wanted(i.e. marriage). If that's the case, you need your a** whooped. Bottom line.

Now I know I'm not married so I don't know what goes on in a marriage, nor do I know what it's like to be around one person all day, every day. But does it take me to be in a marriage to have common sense? I've seen successful marriages so I know that they are possible. I can't see myself NOT wanting to hold my wife every day, NOT complimenting her on her beauty, NOT kissing her as we depart and yearning for when we will be together again. That is supposed to be your best friend. The one who is there for you no matter what, the one bright spot in your life that can illuminate even your darkest days. I feel that a lot of people don't know what they possess, don't realize how lucky they are to find someone that they want to be with forever. That alone should be enough for you to cherish them every day, the fact that somebody in this world decided that you were magnificent enough to make them choose you for a lifetime deal. If anything, now you should be going extra hard in the paint to ensure that y'all will be together forever. But anyways, these are just my opinions, something that crossed my mind while I was at work. Respect it or check it.

The Journey to Ecstasy

I lay you on the bed, preparing my mind for the quest I am about to embark on. It's a task of perseverance and I know that it's not going to be an easy one. But it's a task that I have been training for, waiting for. Taking your clothes off except your heels, I admire the view. I didn't imagine that the terrain would be this beautiful. But knowing I got a mission, I can only savor the moment briefly. I start out with a kiss on your lips, sucking & nibbling on your bottom one, letting the sweetness of it tingle my taste buds. Not wanting to leave your lips, but knowing I have a date with destiny, I slowly make my way to your neck. Like a subdued vampire victim, you offer it to me willingly. My soft lips send sexual sensations across your body, making the sugary walls of your love cavern slowly start to melt. Along my voyage, I take a moment to suckle the mountainous regions of your breasts, as your nipples spar with my tongue, proving to be a formidable opponent. I want to jostle with them more, but by now I know I need to fulfill my destiny, which is to be the best spelunker that you have ever had. Kissing your stomach, tonguing your thighs, I can hear the pool of water swishing around inside, waiting to quench the thirst of the lucky explorer who was fortunate to make it this far. Your panties are soaked and I can damn near taste the sweetness as my mouth is inches away. But instead, I turn you over on your stomach, placing kisses along your backside. From the small of your back to the valleys of your shoulder blades back down to the round mounds of brown that are slightly jiggling before me. The animal instinct in me kicks in & I rip your panties off. Like a lion knowing that his prey is wounded, I go into attack mode, letting my tongue enter deep inside of you. You exhale, you moan, you whisper my name. But I'm so deep in war that I can't pay attention to it. I am battling the evil gatekeeper who doesn't want your fountain of ecstasy to escape, but I know that I need it to survive. My tongue is now my guide, touching every inch of your pussy walls, trying to feel my way along as I go deeper inside of you. Your body is moving in a circular motion, grinding on my guide, encouraging me to keep going further. I spread your legs apart, allowing me to stretch as far as I can, causing me to caress your g-spot. Suddenly I exit, having heard that the evil gatekeeper has a magical button outside of your pussy that, if pushed right, will allow the gate to open. So I flip you over, attacking your clit with a vengeance, letting my tongue wrestle with it, tease it, stroke it, flick it. You have your hands on my head, pushing my face in further, as if aiding me with this fight to release the princess from her captivity. The battle is intense, your nipples standing erect as though they were cheering me on. Just when I think all is lost, the magic button gives way to the relentless of my tongue. The evil gatekeeper is defeated, the princess is released, and the victory chant that I have longed to hear is now escaping your lips: "I'm cumming".

Treat Her Like Heaven

This issue is based on a true story(as if my other blogs weren't! Lol). After being the ear for a close friend, I decided to speak my mind on a few things. So those that have been here before, you already know the routine. For the newcomers, kick off your shoes, relax, and enjoy yourself. As always, in the words of Hov, "what you are about to witness is my thoughts. Just my thoughts, right or wrong. Just how I was feeling at the time".

I decided to name this "Treat Her Like Heaven" because this was the song that started on my playlist, sang by the homie R. Kelly. But mainly because I found it so appropriate for the topic at hand. So I was talking to a good friend recently, and they were speaking on some things that were going on with the "home team". She stated some actions by the "home team" that baffled her as to why these actions existed. Now me being me, I refuse to take sides or bash any gender. And as always, my opinion flows freely. However some times I gotta watch what I say because I don't want to come off as hating. But at the same time, there are some things that I myself don't even understand about the mind set of some guys. If you have somebody in your corner that supports you, loves you, and truly cares for you, why would you NOT do things to make them happy. Especially if they are minor things. And when I say minor, I mean to the extent of cleaning up behind yourself or any friends/family that visits Y'ALL domain. Or even more serious, showing that you care about your significant others' well being while they are out. Or what about their happiness. Is that too much to ask? Or has the phrase "a good man" completely died. Nah it hasn't because I'm still alive and breathing, but this isn't about me.

One thing I have never understood about "us" guys is how we won't make an effort to change. I mean, is it that hard to switch things up a little. If she comes to you and say "babe, I don't like it when you do......", why can't we make a conscious effort to change our ways instead of letting it flow through one ear and out the other. I know sometimes you may think she is nagging, but if you feel your girl is nagging you because she is asking you to be a responsible adult, then you have a lot to learn. At no point should your mate be upset or stressed out over you cleaning up behind your grown ass. In my opinion, there's no legitimate excuse for it.

One thing I hate is a bugaboo. That's a parasite with insecurities. Being insecure towards my woman isn't something I am familiar with, nor is it a characteristic of a strong & confident man. Now on the flip side, not caring about the actions of your mate shows a sign of halfheartedness. Calling them 24/7 isn't the correct way to do things, but not expressing any concern whatsoever into what they have going on makes them think you don't care. Fellas, have you ever had a woman call you every hour on the hour, asking you what you were doing? Not in an accusatory tone, but she just wanted to know what was going on with you? It's not always because she's trying to be your parole officer. It's because she actually cares about you and wants to make sure you know that. But you can't see that because you are feeling as though you have no "you" time. Once she leaves your ass, you are gonna wish you could trade that "you" time in for some "us" time.

As a man, ensuring the happiness of your woman should be a top priority. You shouldn't have to bend over backwards to please her, and if there are some things that you are doing outside of ur comfort zone then they need to be addressed. But something a lotta guys refuse to believe is that showing love, care, and happiness to a woman can be more vaulable than they think. As the song says, treat her live heaven.

Anyways, I've said enuff. This Pinot Grigio has been baring my soul on paper and got me feeling some kind of way. But hey, I don't mind. I just hope my friend finds the happiness she deserves.


Please forgive me if this post doesn't seem as good as any before it. But these are raw feelings right now, mixed with inebriation. Goodnite folks.

This is a photo my cousin took of my shoes as they were laying around. Gotta say, he has a nice eye for art. Look out for him & his wife in the future. The Tag Team Photographers! lol